CNN released a questionnaire this week, as part of its "Eye on France" coverage (hosted by Kent Brockman, presumably), asking readers to chime in with their thoughts on the land of liberté, égalité, and fraternité. While the exercise seems unhelpful at best—and freedom fry-ish at worst—we've decided to take the bait and answer each question, completely off the top of our heads, because we're experts. At everything. Enjoy our haphazard, uninformed opinions on a land an ocean away with an unknown (to us) tongue.

CNN: In his victory speech, President Sarkozy said France had turned "a new page" in its history. Do you agree? Gelf Magazine: We really have no idea. Sarkozy seems to be something of a break with past French presidents. Then again, we're pretty sure most "new pages" in French history were accompanied by bursts of violence, so we don't know.

CNN: What do you think most defines France's reputation around the world?
GM: Berets.

CNN: Is French culture still alive today?
GM: We like Air, so we're gonna say yes.

CNN: Who are France's most influential people?
GM: Joan of Arc, Napoleon, Peter Sellers, Jerry Lewis, and Charles De Gaulle.

CNN: What do you think is unique/distinctive about the French?
GM: They eat snails. When they speak, they seem to have an aversion to consonants—at least to our untrained ears. They're on the UN Security Council; not too many countries have that.They also have Brie cheese. At least, we're pretty sure that's them. Brie is really good, whoever it is.

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