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You may want to take a seat for this one. As you've surely heard by now, until she was nominated for vice president, Sarah Palin though Africa was a country and not a continent, according to Fox News. But if that sounded fishy to youin spite of Palin's rather obvious lack of intelligence, it sounded fishy to usyou may have been unsurprised to learn that the source of the rumor was fake pundit Martin Eisenstadt. Or was it? Nobody quite knows.
Announcing that Iran had just successfully tested a missile able to reach Europe, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad informed the world that "the Iranian nation defends its dignity. Should any power stand against the Iranian nation, the Iranian people will crush it under its foot and will strike it on the mouth." While the notion itself is somewhat unsettling, we can take comic relief in his choice of wordshow exactly will the Iranian people crush a power under their feet while striking it in the mouth? We're not sure, but it reminds of some of the words used by fringe types of yesterday and today.
New York Times foreign affairs columnist Tom Friedman sees things in 2-D. Based on the titles of his recent books, not only is the world flat, but it is also hot, and crowded. Al Qaeda's flat, too, and something called "Globalization 3.0" (apparently the web has yet to catch up with globalization) is "shrinking the world from size small to size tiny, and flattening the global economic playing field at the same time." Fuck you, Galileo!
If it weren't for those meddlesome bloggers, Sarah Palin might have become the vice president of these United States. Instead, though, she was run back to Wasilla on a rail of unfounded speculation created by the laptoparazzi in their dank, underground abodes. Palin joined the ranks of her fellow sports reporters Rick Reilly, Bob Costas, and Dan Shaughnessy when she told FOX's Greta Van Susteren, "I'm going to characterize them as those bloggers in their parents' basement just talking garbage." Well put. But how could Palin know the exact location of these evildoers' hideouts? Perhaps she's been collecting intelligence from two particular conservative cognoscenti.
It's always fun when a headline from the Onion comes true after the fact—but when your publication runs a story right out of the satirical paper on the same day—and the biggest news day of the year, at that—maybe its time to reconsider your news judgment. And so while the Onion might be justified in placing the election of a local politician on its front page instead of the election of the nation's first black president, real papers who did the same can't claim to be satire.
American magazinesForbes in particularhave made something of a cottage industry out of serving up linkbait in the form of lists telling you where to live. Want to be surrounded by intellectuals? The physically fit? Want to live a stress-free life, or raise a family? Forbeswith some help from Business Week and Men's Fitnesshas the answers for you, based on some poorly picked stats thrown haphazardly together!
Though liberals had a lot to celebrate on Tuesday, not all is suddenly right (or wrong, depending on how you look at it) with America. (Nor will it be once Obama takes office, but that's another matter entirely.) Aside from gay-marriage bans passing in three statesincluding, surprisingly, Californiaand a gay-adoption ban passing in Arkansas, the most dispiriting aspect of the rather spiriting 2008 election comes from exit polls from the Deep South.
While many in the presumably fake America celebrated the election of card-carrying fake American Barack Obama this week, it was a bittersweet victory for supporters of California's gay community. That blue state, which went for Obama by a huge margin, also passed Proposition 8, which added to the state constitution the line, "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid and recognized in California." California's somewhat schizophrenic electorate led to some rather amusing turns of phrase by reporters and headline writers.
In case you were wonderingand we know you wereJoe "the Plumber" Wurzelbacher is not the only plumber with an opinion on politics. When Gelf set out last week to find other ordinary American plumbers, we encountered the website of Bob the Plumber, who, while now retired, is actually a licensed plumber, unlike the more-famous McCain-supporter-cum-possible-country-star.
Sarah Palin, John McCain, and even Barack Obama, have all told us about the "real" America. In this mythical place, people work hard (though they may or may not pay their taxes), have "family values" and are "pro-America." But not all of America is the real Americasome parts of this great land are, indeed, fake American, or even Un-American.
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