American magazines—Forbes in particular—have made something of a cottage industry out of serving up linkbait in the form of lists telling you where to live. Want to be surrounded by intellectuals? The physically fit? Want to live a stress-free life, or raise a family? Forbes—with some help from Business Week and Men's Fitness—has the answers for you, based on some poorly picked stats thrown haphazardly together!

Want to get in shape? Move to Colorado Springs! Here, Mayor Lionel Rivera "sets a positive example, exercising as much as 4 days per week," though when you get there you may be discouraged to find out that "almost nobody participates in high-impact aerobic dancing."

Looking to retire? Hitting the links in Florida is passé—you want to move to Columbus, Ohio, where you can mingle with college-aged Buckeyes fans.

If you want to engage in intellectual pursuits, forget New York and head for Boulder, Colorado, where you can "take advantage of the many outdoor recreational activities" that this "green" city has to offer. If hiking through the Rockies while reading Plato in the original Greek isn't for you, then perhaps you should check out a place called Bethesda-Gaithersburg-Frederick, Maryland, wherever that is.

Starting a family? Then you've just go to pack your bags for Mount Prospect, Illinois, where the football team and marching band win state championships, and people who have back surgery don't need to cook for six weeks. The town has even maintained its "values of fiscal conservatism and community involvement" in the face of immigration from such profligate and apathetic locales as Poland, Mexico, Korea and India.

However, should you take your family to Mount Prospect, you may want to steer clear of its rather notorious neighbor to the southeast—Chicago, America's most stressful city. Perhaps not coincidentally, the second-most stressful city in the US is New York, meaning that your author has lived in both of these anxiety-inducing behemoths. And, oh, the pressures we deal with—Traffic! Winter! High gas prices! That crazy dude on the subway! I'm about to have a heart attack here. Maybe I should move to Albany.

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