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Sports
August 23, 2006
Majoring in Horticulture
Over at SI.com, John Rolfe writes that universities should allow big-time athletes to major in their respective sports. It's a strange thought piece, and it's unclear exactly how sarcastic Rolfe is trying to be, if at all. But even if the column isn't particularly practical (after all, there's no discussion of money), Gelf particularly likes this line: "As the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to culture, but you can't make him think."
Sports
August 17, 2006
SI.com's Triple Bogey
SI.com's Gary Van Sickle must not read Gelf. If he did, he wouldn't keep writing his ridiculous golf tournament previews that serve only to reinforce the notion that journalists don't understand math. In setting odds for players to win the last two majors, Van Sickle has been incredibly optimistic. For both the US Open and the British Open, Gelf poked fun at Van Sickle for giving odds for the individual players that—when converted to percentages and added together—were so high that several golfers should have won the same tournament. For the PGA Championship, Van Sickle again is way off.
Sports
August 14, 2006
Poker Champ Jamie Gold Is The Humblest Man Alive
Jamie Gold is now $12 million dollars richer after winning this year's World Series of Poker's Main Event (Associated Press). But Gold never wanted to win, as he explained to ESPN.com's Steve Rosenbloom during his run to the championship. The former Hollywood agent even told Rosenbloom he was considering losing on purpose to avoid the spotlight. "I know what fame does to people," Gold said. "It's not that I can't handle it; I don't want it." Right. Starting after submitting to an interview for that lengthy profile, Gelf assumes. Now that we know he was bluffing on that point, let's look at one other claim Gold makes in the article:
Sports
August 9, 2006
Bill Simmons's Broadcasting Hall of Shame
It's no secret that 60% of all male homoerotic masturbatory fantasies involve articles from ESPN's Sports Guy, Bill Simmons. And while that might be a gross exaggeration, it's at least consistent with the rampant hyperbole of most Sports Guy articles. But his frequent criticism of sports announcers and certain ESPN anchors is usually on the mark. There are tons of poor commentators; my personal Hall of Shame includes Steven A. Smith, Skip Bayless, Bill Walton, and Jeanne Zelasko, with an honorable mention for the Boom Goes the Dynamite guy.
Sports
August 8, 2006
The Mariano Riveras of Blackjack
In the Orlando Sentinel, columnist Jerry Greene writes that the term "closer"—originally reserved for Mariano Rivera and his ilk in baseball—can now be used to describe anyone who is adept at sealing the deal. Greene uses the term to describe Florida State football coach Bobby Bowden's uncanny ability to snag recruits, and suggests that Enter Sandman should be played as Tiger Woods strolls towards the 18th green on Sundays. But while Greene seems to applaud those closers he's describing, there's one type of closer who has earned the wrath of writers: the blackjack dealer.
Media
July 18, 2006
The Wizard of Odds
Just before the US Open last month, Gelf noticed that SI.com's Gary Van Sickle had written himself into a corner from which he lacked the math skills to escape. In his quest to liven up his preview column for a golf major, Van Sickle had given odds of victory for each player, but hadn't bothered to see to it that the odds, taken together, made any sense. Now that the British Open is upon us, Van Sickle is back to his old ways of—if Gelf may borrow a lame golf metaphor—hacking his way through the course.
Media
July 12, 2006
Sports Illustrated Buttheads
Sports Illustrated columnists don't demonstrate much compassion for Marco Materazzi. In his column excusing French captain Zinedine Zidane for his infamous World Cup chest header against Materazzi, Dr. Z—who seems to think violence is an acceptable form of backlash—doesn't even bother to learn Materazzi's name (or that of any other player besides Zidane, for that matter). Phil Taylor claims that Materazzi deserves equal scorn for his actions, since whatever he said to make the Great Man go off must have been really terrible.
Sports
July 10, 2006
What Materazzi Really Said
Zinedine Zidane would have been remembered as one of the greatest players ever to have played the game. He could have gone out as the MVP of his last tournament (okay, he still did) with a second world cup championship trophy and a lifetime of lucrative endorsements and fawning French fans. Instead, he's going to be remembered as a goat for his obviously premeditated and vicious head butt (YouTube) that seemed to concave the chest of Italian defender Marco Materazzi. But, most importantly, what did Materazzi say to provoke the attack?
Sports
June 29, 2006
Rolando and Renaldo
The NBA draft is over, and now it's time for every columnist worth his salt to make fun of the Knicks and Isiah Thomas. In particular, many writers have criticized the drafting of Renaldo Balkman, a relatively unknown forward from South Carolina who impressed scouts during workouts. But Balkman was projected in most mock drafts as a second-round pick at best, so when Thomas selected him with the Knicks' first pick (of two) in the first round, he was basically chumming the editorial waters. But what to write?
Sports
June 21, 2006
Are Montenegrins Into S&M?
For Serbia & Montenegro's soccer team, the embarrassing 3-2 loss to the Ivory Coast (after leading 2-0) was the exclamation point to a disastrous World Cup performance in which they lost every game and were outscored by eight goals. Even before the final game, the players were complaining that the national anthem (a communist-era tune entitled 'Hey Slavs!') used to introduce the team only made them depressed (AP) and the coach had promised to quit (BBC). Worst, though, was an observation made in the New York Times that suggested that many Montenegrins were actively rooting against the squad.
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