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Screwing the Gay Side in California

While many in the presumably fake America celebrated the election of card-carrying fake American Barack Obama this week, it was a bittersweet victory for supporters of California's gay community. That blue state, which went for Obama by a huge margin, also passed Proposition 8, which added to the state constitution the line, "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid and recognized in California." California's somewhat schizophrenic electorate led to some rather amusing turns of phrase by reporters and headline writers.

Media

You're So Full of Flint

Are you a reporter searching for an adjective with which to describe the cranky, cold-faced independent voters of New Hampshire? Are you trying to describe John McCain with a word other than "maverick"? Or are you simply searching for the right term to capture the essence of that guy you saw in the bodega who, confusingly, had both a girlfriend and an "I Will Survive" ringtone? Then we've got a word for you: flinty.

Politics

Winners and Losers in the Backwards 'B' Hoax Story

Ashley Todd, a McCain volunteer working in Pennsylvania, has admitted that she made up an elaborate story about being beaten and mutilated by a large black man who was upset by her support for the Republican presidential candidate. Todd confessed that the backwards "B" lightly carved into her cheek was possibly of her own doing, and that she was never mugged at an ATM in downtown Pittsburgh. There were several fishy aspects to her story from the time it first gained nationwide attention, but some observers were more skeptical than others. Here's how they stack up in the aftermath.

Media

From Kerry to McCain

2008 may be a Democratic year, but don't tell that to the editors of the Hampton Roads Daily Press. The southeastern Virginia daily is one of only two newspapers so far to have endorsed Kerry in 2004 and McCain this year (Gannett's Jackson Sun is the other one). In contrast, more than a dozen newspapers, including several major ones—the New York Daily News, the Houston Chronicle, and, in an historic first, the Chicago Tribune—made the move from Bush to Obama (the Daily Press, it's worth noting, is owned by the Tribune Company).

Media

Prez Mac or Prez Bam?

In the time-honored tradition of calling the President 'Prez' and the Mayor 'Hizzoner,' New York's two tabloids, the Post and the Daily News, have apparently settled on abbreviated nicknames for John McCain and Barack Obama. Their choices, 'Mac' of McCain and 'Bam' for Obama, sound vaguely cartoonish, though we suppose they're better than, say, 'Cain' and 'Rack.'

Politics

Everything but Also the Kitchen Sink

Down by double digits in several major polls, John McCain needed to really shake things up in the final presidential debate Wednesday night, even if it meant employing some risky strategies. While most instant analysis shows that his tactics backfired, it wasn't for lack of trying. In fact, you might say McCain "threw the kitchen sink" at his rival.

Media

Don't Blink Now

What do Sarah Palin, Red Sox starter Jon Lester, the Chicago Bears, and the Carolina Panthers have in common? They don't blink. Ordinary humans—or lily-livered elitists—may move their eyelids in the face of challenges like winning the American League pennant or running for vice president, but ace pitchers and steely-nerved hockey moms can face such things with their eyeballs pried open like a torture victim.

Politics

"Friends" Don't Let Friends Not Vote

MTV has been telling us that voting is cool for a decade. Diddy took it one step further in the last presidential election, threatening bodily harm if we didn't exercise our democratic right. Now the next wave, a seemingly slapped-together push, caked in desperation, has been released upon the masses: A viral plea from some of Tinsel Town's brightest to get your X-box-lovin' tuchus out and vote (preferably, we assume, for the junior senator from Illinois).

Media

Walk On, Young Texter

Ah, the worries of modern life: terrorism, global warming, computer viruses, mortgage-backed securities, and, of course, text messaging. Apparently every teenager's favorite form of communication (according to Nielsen Mobile, the average high-school kid sends or receives 1,742 texts per month. That's 57 per day. Call us old farts, but what the fuck?) is responsible not only for making the number 8 into a letter and the letter u into a word, but for stupidity and death. This is according to the New York Times.

Media

Someone's Shouting, My Lord

You know what’s not gonna fix America? Hanging around and singing kumbaya. For God’s sake, just look at us: indebted; overextended; weary. All of this because our elected “leaders,” for the incompetent life of them, can’t stop hymning a centuries-old African-American spiritual.

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