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Sports
August 14, 2006
Poker Champ Jamie Gold Is The Humblest Man Alive
Jamie Gold is now $12 million dollars richer after winning this year's World Series of Poker's Main Event (Associated Press). But Gold never wanted to win, as he explained to ESPN.com's Steve Rosenbloom during his run to the championship. The former Hollywood agent even told Rosenbloom he was considering losing on purpose to avoid the spotlight. "I know what fame does to people," Gold said. "It's not that I can't handle it; I don't want it." Right. Starting after submitting to an interview for that lengthy profile, Gelf assumes. Now that we know he was bluffing on that point, let's look at one other claim Gold makes in the article:
Sports
August 9, 2006
Bill Simmons's Broadcasting Hall of Shame
It's no secret that 60% of all male homoerotic masturbatory fantasies involve articles from ESPN's Sports Guy, Bill Simmons. And while that might be a gross exaggeration, it's at least consistent with the rampant hyperbole of most Sports Guy articles. But his frequent criticism of sports announcers and certain ESPN anchors is usually on the mark. There are tons of poor commentators; my personal Hall of Shame includes Steven A. Smith, Skip Bayless, Bill Walton, and Jeanne Zelasko, with an honorable mention for the Boom Goes the Dynamite guy.
Sports
August 8, 2006
The Mariano Riveras of Blackjack
In the Orlando Sentinel, columnist Jerry Greene writes that the term "closer"—originally reserved for Mariano Rivera and his ilk in baseball—can now be used to describe anyone who is adept at sealing the deal. Greene uses the term to describe Florida State football coach Bobby Bowden's uncanny ability to snag recruits, and suggests that Enter Sandman should be played as Tiger Woods strolls towards the 18th green on Sundays. But while Greene seems to applaud those closers he's describing, there's one type of closer who has earned the wrath of writers: the blackjack dealer.
Politics
August 7, 2006
Ann Coulter Is Full of …
hatred towards low-flush toilets. The conservative author and would-be comedian is full of hatred towards lots of things, but Gelf can't help but wonder why she is single-mindedly intent on protecting the seven-gallon toilet flush. This first came to our attention when reading a recent Baltimore Sun interview in which Coulter said, "My ideal America would have no liberals and 7-gallon flush toilets in every bathroom." (Presumably, the liberals could simply be flushed down the toilet.) But this is not just a throw-away line for Coulter.
Media
August 7, 2006
Cliché Watch: A Skein of Skeins
Media clichés are a favorite theme of Gelf, which has chronicled the cockroach-like survival of "coming soon to an X near you" and "quite frankly." Last week, as Phillies second baseman Chase Utley extended his hitting streak to 35 games, several sportswriters insisted on calling it a "skein." That word—rarely used in conversation and especially unlikely to be overheard in a sports bar—is a favorite of journalists tired of repeatedly using the word "streak" or other common equivalents.
Media
August 2, 2006
Odds Are Calculable; Logic Is Defied
This is one of those stories that runs in a local paper (in this case, the Cleveland Plain Dealer), is picked up by a newswire (the Associated Press), and has just enough quirkiness to elbow aside dry news about Hezbollah and Iraq for a spot at the CNN.com table. The odd tale: Maria Bergan, 23, allegedly tried to enter a Westlake, Ohio, bar with a fake ID proving she's 21. The ID really belonged to waitress Kathryn Mooney—to whom the ID was presented. But reporters, so excited by the coincidence of Mooney encountering her own stolen ID in the field, neglected to ask what a 23-year-old was doing sporting a fake ID.
Media
July 31, 2006
'The Funniest Movie You'll See This Fiscal Quarter'
In this week's edition of Blurb Racket—the Gelf feature in which we take a close look at those critic blurbs that are a fixture of ads for movies—see breakdowns of blurbs for Lady in the Water, Miami Vice, You, Me and Dupree, and more. This week's Bogus Blurb of the Week comes in an ad for My Super Ex-Girlfriend:
Media
July 19, 2006
Joel Siegel Uses Rated-Aargh Language
Joel Siegel has taken a lot of heat for standing up in the middle of a Clerks II screening and shouting, "Time to go! First movie I've walked out of in 30 fucking years!" Much of the heat has come from director Kevin Smith himself, who, on Silent Bob Speaks, calls Siegel a "rude-ass prick" for his actions. The two later squared off on live radio (click here for sound) on the Opie and Anthony show (though, oddly, it took Siegel several minutes to figure out that Smith was also on the show). While some of the show focused on whether Siegel had committed some sort of breach of professionalism, the sections Gelf found most interesting involved Siegel's punny nature.
Media
July 18, 2006
Racist South African Bluetooths
An Afrikaans song about dragging black people behind a truck and siccing dogs on them has been making its way through South Africa in the form of a ringtone. It's unclear, at least from the press coverage Gelf has seen, how widespread the use of this ringtone is or who may have had a hand in creating the song. But it's interesting to see the varied ways media outlets have covered the explicit and racist lyrics in the songs, as well as the technology that has allowed them to spread.
Media
July 18, 2006
The Wizard of Odds
Just before the US Open last month, Gelf noticed that SI.com's Gary Van Sickle had written himself into a corner from which he lacked the math skills to escape. In his quest to liven up his preview column for a golf major, Van Sickle had given odds of victory for each player, but hadn't bothered to see to it that the odds, taken together, made any sense. Now that the British Open is upon us, Van Sickle is back to his old ways of—if Gelf may borrow a lame golf metaphor—hacking his way through the course.
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