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April 10, 2008

The Knicks' Hulking, Sinking Ship

The performance of the New York Knicks has been so mind-bogglingly bad in the last few years that sportswriters have been digging to find appropriate metaphors for the degree of ineptitude Isiah Thomas and his team bring to the court on a regular basis. A recent New York magazine piece titled "Absolutely, Positively the Worst Team in the History of Professional Sports" calls them "a Kurtzian horror of bloated contracts and hyped ne'er-do-wells"—among many other things.

If we were to round-up just a taste of the local coverage, we could say that the Knicks are a group of mercenaries who drop games like it is a fashionable trend and they are impressionable teenagers with the morale of the director of Gigli under a villainous coach who turned the Mecca of Basketball into the Wailing Wall.

Isiah

"I'm the king of the world, bitch."

But there is one hulking, sinking metaphor that has caught on as the popular choice for characterizing the Knicks' mammoth misery. The Knicks are the Titanic of basketball. Isiah! Dead Ahead!

NY Post
It is appropriate the Knicks stand at 14-35 with a 28.7 winning percentage—exactly on pace to equal the 23-59 clip posted by Larry Brown’s 2005-2006 team, the original Team Titanic.

Fox Sports
Evident progress in this case is that the Titanic which is the Knicks is moving forward toward 36 wins and a playoff spot, as the deck chairs bought by Thomas the GM continue to slide off onto the salary cap iceberg he steered into.

NY Sun
From the Rearranging Deck Chairs on the Titanic department, Isiah says he'll shake up the lineup after the Knicks' latest embarrassment.

Newsday
Well, here's some free advice for whomever Dolan hires to patch the Titanic.

Globe and Mail (Canada)
It was only last year [the Raptors] were the champions of the Titanic Division.

AOL Fanhouse
Being the team player that he is, Jermaine O'Neal was kind enough to let the media know that he "would accept it" if the sinking ship Pacers decided to deal him to the Titanic Knicks

SI.com
Arguing semantics about the Knicks salary cap is like pointing out that the toilet won't flush on the Titanic.







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