Gelf Magazine - Looking over the overlooked

Politics | Science

April 15, 2009

Save Us, Sarah Palin!

Is Obama weak on aliens and aliens?

Benjamin Samuel

Now that Bush has left office, there is hope the era of paranoia (and the rein of "[sic]") has finally ended, that with a new and competent executive we can finally relax and breathe easy. Perhaps with a commander-in-chief willing to give peace a fighting chance, our intelligence agencies can slink back into the shadows and we'll finally get to turn the terror-alert system down to blue or green.

Star Wars set in the Tunisian desert, courtesy <a href=''>eugenijusr's Flickr</a> via <a href=''>Creative Commons</a>.
Aliens called Greys 'can make you take the pistol and put the business end in your mouth and make you pull the trigger if they so desire.'—UFO abductee Bobby Morrison

Star Wars set in the Tunisian desert, courtesy eugenijusr's Flickr via Creative Commons.

However, that tranquil hue we've been waiting for may turn out to be the tractor beam from a hostile UFO. With so much focus on attacks from the Middle East and a new administration committed to the foolhardy philosophy of diplomacy, is it possible the White House is overlooking threats from areas "far, far away"? The military maintains a "veil of secrecy" regarding extraterrestrial activities, so Gelf turned to the UFO community—i.e. terrestrials interested in alien ships, not the aliens themselves—to ask whether a proposed space-weapons ban would make the nation vulnerable to an extraterrestrial attack.

Peter Davenport, director of the National UFO Reporting Center, told Gelf he suspects there is "nothing manufactured on this planet which would be of even minor concern to an alien ship."

Nestled in the Obama administration's punch list, among plans to invest in our airborne and seafaring weaponry, is a call to "ensure the freedom of space." (After Operation Iraqi Freedom, Americans wary of attempts to bolster liberty beyond our borders can rest assured the plan will not seek to impose a democracy on Mars.)

In agreement with Senator John McCain, who said "weapons in space are a bad idea," the White House seeks a global ban on space weapons and "threats to US space assets." The proposed ban essentially expands the existing Outer Space Treaty, which prohibits the placement of weapons of mass destruction in space. The Freedom of Space initiative is broad but likely refers to the potential ability of nations to destroy satellites using anti-satellite (ASAT) rockets, lasers, or kinetic projectiles (i.e. slamming a "peaceful" satellite into another in a game of celestial marbles).

The ban may be a new direction in a space-weapons race that began in the Cold War, when the USA and the USSR first began developing anti-satellite (ASAT) weaponry in the 1950s. More recent ASAT bravado includes China's use of a missile to destroy its own satellite in 2007; the US Navy's replication of the act last year; and Iran's use this year of an indigenous Safir rocket to launch their first satellite, stirring new concerns.

These developments may prompt the Obama Administration to reconsider the proposed ban and address other potential "extraterrestrial" threats to national security, such as the UFO that visited the inauguration, or Steven Joseph Christopher, who announced his plans to assassinate President Obama on a UFO website and was subsequently arrested.

Support Our Starship Troopers

Steve Hammons, author of UFO novels Mission Into Light and Light's Hand, tells Gelf that while the ban is ostensibly a response to terrestrial threats to our space assets, "if it has been determined that there are hostile non-humans in our airspace—and I would say that this is possible—then it would be prudent to develop some kind of defensive weapons… Most likely these would be some type of energy-beam-type weapons, which are certainly under development and probably operational."

Hammons also cited allegations of covert government programs beyond Reagan's Star Wars program, such as rumors that the space station and NASA are "just covers for a far more advanced US and Earth space fleet." He went on to say, "If there are ET threats, [space weapons] will and should be developed regardless of treaties or 'bans.' "

While our technology would likely be primitive in comparison to alien visitors, we may have already made strides to catch up. Last March, the Center for Defense Information reported the Bush administration had considered requests for hundreds of millions dollars for projects, including weapons-grade lasers, that "could result in the development and/or deployment of anti-satellite and space-based weapons." Some of the tantalizing, classified development projects were "necessary precursors" to directed-energy weapons (i.e. rayguns).

The Animal Liberation Front and Alf

In his article for UFO Digest, "Theory and Observations about the Training Aliens Put Humans Through," Bobby Morrison describes his experiences as a lab animal for the aliens that have been abducting him for the last 50 years. While he doesn't know why he's been selected, and wishes he hadn't been, he believes there is little he or anyone else can do to change it.

In the essay, Morrison describes an episode reminiscent of Kurt Vonnegut's Billy Pilgrim: In the Marine Corps in the 1960s, Morrison was threatened with a court martial for abandoning his post, a grave act of which he had no recollection. For years, Morrison was confounded by this and similarly inexplicable events, such as frequent nosebleeds or awakening clad in another man's clothing.

Morrison's knowledge of alien species is limited, as he has only had encounters with extraterrestrials known as "Greys," but his experiences with them may give cause for concern. In an email, Morrison told Gelf, "The Greys consider humans to be a sub-species and think we are an ignorant race not worthy of respect—we have no rights in relation to them."

In spite of their disregard for him and all humans, Morrison said he pities the Greys for their robotic lack of emotion. He explained the shorter Greys are "like pizza delivery drivers," shuttling abductees like Morrison between Earth and spacecrafts, while the taller Greys are more devious. "These are the doctors, trainers, supervisors, technicians. These are the smart ones. Simply making eye contact with one can be quite horrifying."

Morrison said Greys can be killed by human technology, saying they are "just as fragile as humans," but he maintains that any attempts may backfire. For example, if you were to attempt to kill Greys with a pistol, "they can make you take the pistol and put the business end in your mouth and make you pull the trigger if they so desire. This is how superior they are in mind control."

According to Morrison, space weapons may prove equally ineffective against spacecraft, comparing the effort to Neanderthals throwing rocks and sticks at an Abrams tank.

Fortunately, said Morrison, Greys have no desire to kill humans (though they may allow us to die off by rendering us sterile). In Morrison's article, he describes Earth as a "research center," but just like lab animals we have little awareness and no rights regarding what happens to us.

"In order to take back control of our planet, every country would have to get together and come to a common solution to this problem," said Morrison. And with Obama's recent failure in gaining bipartisan support, it seems all the more unlikely the world will unite for a common cause. Fortunately, Morrison believes some alien races would come to our defense if necessary.

It seems that, unless we're rescued by an interstellar faction of the Animal Liberation Front, we'll have to sit tight—though, we may find encouragement in the "coincidence" that the ALF shares its name with a certain fuzzy, feline-eating alien.

Should Homeland Security Go Intergalactic or to Confession?

According to Stephen Yulish's essay, "Deconstructing UFOs in this Post Modern World," the UFO conspiracy may run deeper than a government cover-up. Yulish revised his former, more "traditional" belief in UFOs and extraterrestrials after reconsidering the phenomena from a Biblical perspective.

"I learned that they were fallen angels who left their celestial habitation and sought after strange flesh, human females, to impregnate…If we look at UFOs though a Biblical worldview, we will see that these so called extraterrestrials are instead fallen angels, demonic beings, who have visited us over the ages in order to deceive us and lead us into sin."

In other words, according to Yulish, if there are hostile non-humans, they aren't aliens but demons, which may lead to a great Dan Brown spin-off.

Perhaps there is justification for the Department of Defense to spend more time stargazing, but if there is an attack from the heavens, it may be unclear if it's from a warring nation, hostile aliens, or vengeful angels. Furthermore, it remains uncertain whether or not space weapons would be effective against extraterrestrials, so banning these intergalactic arms may simply be a moot point. Then again, if the Rapture/Alien apocalypse does arrive, the gun-toting religious right will be the only ones prepared for either scenario.

Save us, Sarah Palin!

Benjamin Samuel

Benjamin Samuel doesn't live in Brooklyn.

Post a comment

Comment Rules

The following HTML is allowed in comments:
Bold: <b>Text</b>
Italic: <i>Text</i>
<a href="URL">Text</a>


Article by Benjamin Samuel

Benjamin Samuel doesn't live in Brooklyn.

Learn more about this author


Hate to miss out? Enter your email for occasional Gelf news flashes.


Gelf t-shirt

The picture is on the front of the shirt, the words are on the back. You can be in between.