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October 30, 2008

Wurzelbacher Sings the Blues

How often can you say you've witnessed greatness? Once in a lifetime? Once in a decade? If America turns out to be as great a nation as we hope, it might happen again before Groundhog Day. America's favorite thinly-veiled Republican shill, Joe the Plumber, reportedly has been approached with a recording contract for a country album.

Barack Obama Heads To Ohio To Prepare For Final Debate
Says Fox News, the clarion of reliable information, "Wurzelbacher has signed with reputable Nashville public relations firm The Press Office to handle his media appearances, and there has been chatter that he could be working up a country album for as early as Inauguration Day."

Wurzelbacher, at this point so emboldened by his nouveau riche brand status, has also reportedly contemplated political office, regular philanthropy, and professional political foil. But the music career somehow seems a more-plausible alternative. So for your absurdist pleasure, below is our imagining of Wurzelbacher's Time-Life compilation release (after which he promptly burns out and pursues some kind of foray into Eastern medicine, or, you know, plumbing again). Such favorites include:

"I Ain't Mr. Clean, But I'll Take the Endorsement"

"(Real) America"

"You Can Call Me Joe"

"Plumbin's Got Me Down, But Also Somehow Rich"

"PVC Pipe Cowboy" (feat. Brooks & Dunn)

"Mama Loved a Working Man, Uncle Sam Loved One Too"

"My Plan For the Economy" (spoken word)

"Ain't Never Licensed"

"Seriously, I Got Rich Fixing Toilets"

"The Wurzelbacher Boogie"

"Tax & Spend" (to the tune of "Twist & Shout")

Though he's downplayed his musical future, Ol' Joe's plans are basically limitless for the next five days. No word yet, though, on Fox News's Morning Cup of Joe Wurzelbacher or The Plumber Factor, or that men's apparel line he'll probably decide he wants to make.

—Michael Gluckstadt contributed to this post.

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