The US media has come a long way in the four years since the last World Cup—and still has a long way to go. The good: ESPN is getting behind-the-scenes footage of the US team; Sports Illustrated and the New York Times's sports magazine, Play, both ran multi-part previews on their covers; and several newspapers, like the New York Daily News, already have reporters on site. The bad: Columnists who don't know much about soccer feel compelled to write about it.

Tampa Tribune columnist Martin Fennelly's effort is harmless. He seems genuinely excited about discovering a new sport, and new countries with funny-sounding names. A taste:

I'm ready to throw a Togo party. Hit it, Bluto: Togo! Togo! Togo! And don't think I won't be watching when Ivory Coast meets Argentina. Or when Trinidad and Tobago, T and T, faces England. By the way, a note to hooligans of all nations: impersonating Hitler is against the law in Germany. Good law. Back to Togo.

Much worse is Tom Powers in the St. Paul Pioneer Press. He starts like this:

If the government really is serious about identifying illegal immigrants, it soon will be provided a unique opportunity to record their whereabouts. All the Department of Homeland Security has to do is monitor the city-by-city television ratings of this month's World Cup soccer tournament. Agents should be dispatched to any area in which the ratings reflect an unnaturally high level of interest. That likely signals a concentrated pocket of illegals.

And somehow, it gets worse:

No matter which country wins, rest assured that thousands will die in worldwide rioting. I'm going to pick up the satellite feed of The Hooligan Network, direct from Europe. They show split screen: the soccer game on one half, fans clubbing each other on the other. Yes, America may be the only country that doesn't go goofy for soccer. We also are the only remaining super power. Don't you see a connection there?