Salon editor—and somewhat of an oversharer—Sarah Hepola recently bemoaned the ease of the late night text message booty call, writing "My drunk self really doesn't need new and improved ways to stay out later, to get into more trouble, to do things I will ultimately regret. Maybe it shouldn't be so easy to get into someone's bedroom at 2 a.m." Though she compares herself to Andy Rooney, she is not, however, a complete Luddite. Hepola has a unique understanding of the place of the SMS come-on in our society. She compares it to the art of the long-form love letter, which allowed earlier generations to "be their better selves, the clever/unflappable/devastating people we all want to be in the calamitous first throes of love." Well, who doesn’t want to be devastating?

If texting is about being our better selves in the service of courtship, then it follows a long and rich history of romantic literature. In his sonnets, Shakespeare flirted in perfect iambic pentameter, "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?/ Thou art more lovely and more temperate." Cavalier poets in 17th century England wrote pick up lines in verse like, "Now let us sport us while we may/ And now, like amorous birds of prey/ Rather at once our time devour/ Than languish in his slow-chapt power." And in the 20th century e.e. cummings' sonnets were filled with graceful phrases such as "with your peculiar mouth my heart made wise."

But how do the "u still up?" and "wanna come over" texts compare to the venerated love poem of yesteryear? One can only imagine how the Bard would have fared if he had written his sonnets in today's world:

"Call of Booty"

sup baby its ur man, r u still up?
3 am, like clinton im not tired
my roommates r watching 2grls1cup
but ur the 1 grl that I desire

I struck out at the bar, club and subway
trying every line and move I knew
but not a one of them did go my way
and my balls are a sorry shade of blue

so if ur awake and alone like me
be kind enough to respond to my text
if u want 2, u can go down on me
or we can have safe and casual sex

Now dear fuckbuddy, fulfill ur duty
and engage me in this call of booty

Or perhaps the brevity-inclined text messaging set would do better to express their urges in the more economical Haiku:

Night draws to a close
My loins quiver with envy
Your place or motel?

Cursed is the lady
Who heeds not the call of man
At this drunken hour.

Intoxication
Moves the man and the woman
Let us get it on.

Hey there sex E girl
Ur lookin so nice tonight
I h8 not to bone.

2 much tequila
2 l8 2 go home alone
Cumming 4 hours.

Adam Rosen contributed his skills in crafting erotic Japanese poetry.

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