 Out with the old, ordered pyramid (top), and in with the chaotic new. |
One problem with the old food and diet system, according to Eric Hentges, director of the Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion, was that it was too confusing. "Who knows what a serving is?" Hentges told the AP. "It's whatever I put on my plate." Well put, Mr. Hentges, because now it's certainly less confusing for an eight-year-old child to follow new recommendations like "keep sodium to less than 2,300 mg a day" from the 70-page dietary guidelines also released today with the 12-variable food pyramids. (Make your own pyramid at MyPyramid.gov.)
Some suggestions for new ways to unnecessarily complicate other government programs:
1. Judicial nominees will be forced to enroll in a farm system, where young judicial stars will prepare for "The Show" in a four-tiered confederation based on experience: Rookie level (judicial activists), Class A (morally corrupt feeding-tube removers), Class AA (pastel versions of conservatives), Class AAA (strict constructionists).
2. Instead of distributing food stamps based on factors such as nutrition and economic need, the Department of Agriculture will administer a new faith-based food-stamp program, in which coupons will be provided based on a 10-point sliding scale, signifying how strongly you support a culture of life.
3. Privatize Social Security.
—David Goldenberg contributed to this article.
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