For the Love of Gigli

Storytelling has been an integral part of the human experience for as long as mankind has had the ability to communicate ideas. Between cave drawings and group hunts, it is easy to imagine humans constructing fledgling monomyths about self-improvement and good versus evil. But we would be remiss if we didn't also consider that bad storytelling has been an equally integral part of our narrative past. Somewhere, sometime ago, there was an ancient tribal leader holding court around a campfire of eager listeners and telling a really, really terrible story. Michael Bay and M. Night Shyamalan didn't merely pass through an interdimensional membrane—they evolved from shitty raconteurs of times past who should have been sacrificed to an angry autumnal god.