Gelf Magazine - Looking over the overlooked


November 26, 2008

Gelf Help: Setting Advice Columnists Straight

A downtrodden girlfriend, a weight watcher, and a cuckold sought counsel. Gelf gives them better answers.

Gilda Gazor

Gelf has some advice for advice columnists: Shape up or ship out. In this space, Gilda Gazor will offer improvements on the crappy advice of professional advice-givers. Disagree with her suggestions? Offer your own in the comments. Spot crapulent published advice elsewhere? Email Gilda and she'll make things right in a future column.

Image from Elmo Alves's <a href=''>Flickr</a>.
"Your girlfriend will sleep with or go back to her ex. Or both. Leave now and find someone else's journal to read."

Image from Elmo Alves's Flickr.

Dear Prudence
In Love With a Super Computer to Slate's Prudence: My boyfriend makes me feel stupid.

Prudence's Response: He's emotionally retarded. Help treat him.

Gelf Help's Take: Telling a woman who is three years deep into a relationship with a man she is in love with that he is an "arrogant twit" with the emotional intelligence of a "dolt" is not the best way to steer her in the right direction. Also, it's totally not hypocritical to put down a girl for staying in a relationship with a man who…puts her down. Maybe In Love should dump you, Prudie. Way to boost her self-esteem! Look, In Love, Genius's argumentative nature is part of who he is. You can either learn to love it, or realize that there are plenty of other Geniuses in the sea who are not quite so argumentative. Being extremely intelligent does not go hand in hand with being a total douchebag. There are guys out there who are smart but also easygoing and do not make it their life's work to bring down those around them. Trust me, these men are more fun to be with and tend to be more secure, as well. This means that they will treat you better. Your boyfriend is not going to change. Ever. Do not fool yourself into thinking that if he loves you, he will change. He cannot help it. If you love him too much to leave him, know that you are accepting a life of feeling exactly the way you do now: stupid and inferior. Sure, three years is a long time, but not as long as 20 years of being walked all over.

Healthy Weight Heidi to DearSugar: My boyfriend thinks I'm fat.

DearSugar's Response: Talk it out.

Gelf Help's Take: The girl weighs as much as a paperclip and her boyfriend tells her to lose a few pounds and your response is, "We all say things we don't mean sometimes?" Um, no. We all do not tell anorexic girls that they look fat when they are naked in the shower. That is pretty much common sense. But my favorite part is when you recommend that she move on from her boyfriend's "statement" by talking it out with someone. How about moving on from him, instead? This guy is a serious jerk. She already told him that she was trying to eat to become healthy, which is a good indicator that she was not eating enough before. Listen, Paperclip, unless you want to weigh every morsel of food that you eat from now on, I suggest that you get rid of this guy. Even if he swears up and down to you, or a couple's counselor, that he did not mean what he said, he said it. It shows what he really thinks, and it will haunt you.

Cary Tennis
Too Curious to Salon's Cary Tennis: I spied on my girlfriend, and she's in love with another guy.

Cary Tennis's Response: Break up with her. List the people you trust. Also some things about heroin, breezes, and crickets. (This is, after all, Cary Tennis.)

Gelf Help's Take: Cary, yes, obviously Too Curious wouldn't have read her journal if he trusted her. Since when did it become possible to have a good thing without trust? I can't even stand reading the rest of Too Curious's Too Dumb letter. Too Curious, what kind of Sherlock are you? Your girlfriend has been unfaithful in the past. You found a letter in which she admits that her ex-boyfriend (NOT YOU) is the love of her life. Too Curious labels the letter "never to be sent"—that is, until she gets drunk one night and drops it in the mail or, even better, shows up at his doorstep. Oh, wait, that's just what she's doing—she is now visiting her friend, who coincidentally happens to live with him! I think you have enough information here to solve the puzzle.

And Cary, your advice? Zzzzz. SNORE! I am falling asleep over here! You are writing to a guy who continues to search for clues when there is nothing left to figure out. How do you suppose he will be able to dig deeper? Save your spiritual mantras for someone who may actually be able to understand them and give it to this guy straight. Too Curious, you are second-best. If given the opportunity, if she has not already, your girlfriend will sleep with or go back to her ex. Or both. Leave now and find someone else's journal to read. Nothing is stopping your girlfriend from getting back together with her ex. Except possibly for the fact that he is no longer interested. Otherwise, you better believe that she is wide open.

Gilda Gazor

Gilda lives in Los Angeles and loves to criticize other people's advice.

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- Media
- posted on Nov 27, 08
Patrick Manpous

Gilda Rocks! I've been reading your articles since my days at UCLA. Keep it up girl!

- Media
- posted on Jun 11, 09

Stupid blog

Article by Gilda Gazor

Gilda lives in Los Angeles and loves to criticize other people's advice.

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